the ladybug song

i remember this song from when i was a child. it was sung on sesame street, but i have decided to add some extra verses. brooks seems to love it (along with the dance we came up with to accompany it) and i don't want to forget it:

chorus:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12
ladybugs came to the ladybug picnic

repeat chorus

verse 1:
the ladybugs came, and they danced around
(whoo, whoo, whoo)
the ladybugs came, and they stomped their feet
(boom, boom, boom)
the ladybugs came, and they flapped their wings
(brrrrrrrrr)
the ladybugs came, and they had their picnic

chorus x 2

verse 2:
the butterflies came, and they brought some ham
(oh, yes they did!)
the honeybees came, and they brought some cheese
(yum, yum, yum)
the grasshoppers came, and they brought some lemonade
(gulp, gulp)
everybody came and enjoyed their picnic

chorus x 2

happiness

i am watching my sweet boy swinging in his swing. he is sleeping with his little bottom lip stuck out. there are bubbles forming and just sitting there on his mouth. his little brow is furrowed...i wonder what he is thinking or dreaming about. i remember the first time we put him in this swing. he was so tiny the safety straps were completely pointless (we strapped them on anyway). now his little feet almost reach the edge of the swing. his dad has hung some extra toys from the mobile that's attached. every time it goes around the little ladybug and butterfly tinkly toys brush gently over his head, which doesn't seem to bother him. i can hear him snoring softly. and every few minutes, while he sleeps, a smile appears briefly on his sweet little face.

catching up

whew! it feels good to finally find some time to write. i have all these things swimming around in my head that i haven't yet had time to put into words.

my little boy is two months old. time is flying by, and he gets sweeter with every day. we survived his two month shots, (who knew such a little person could scream so loudly?) and he is really smiling and starting to learn to play. my little smarty-pants has figured out (several weeks ago) how to roll from his tummy to his back, making "tummy time" somewhat difficult. brooks is a happy baby and we are enjoying every single minute with him!

we got the chance on saturday to spend some time with our church friends, and we were so very blessed! there are several couples going through trials similar to those we have been through. i don't think it's a coincidence that we have all been brought together into the same class. it was interesting hearing people speak, watching stories unfold, with all of us feeling like the beginnings of a ministry to couples struggling with infertility, loss, and going through adoptions might be taking form. i can only hope that God allows us to be a part of whatever He is doing through our class. please pray that we will all be sensitive to His will and open to the roles He might have for us. i don't know what God is up to, but i hope i get to be involved!

in the meantime, my side of our family is being hit hard by satan. i see these people that i love so dearly dealing with their pain, some of it caused by their own unwillingness to repent and change, and it is difficult to watch. our family is literally falling apart. i see sins that have entrapped me in the past causing brokenness in their lives, and i can only pray that God gently breaks their hearts in a way that causes them to reach for Him. i know they know He is there, that His way is best, but their choices are preventing them from experiencing the freedom and joy that comes from His blessings. i am sad for them...i have been where they are. i had to be broken. i want so badly for them to see what God can do if they will let Him... i just needed more Jesus. it's a need that will never be fully met. i will always need more of Him. i think they need more of Him too. He is the only way out of the pain they are in. and it's so hard to see when you are in the middle of the pain. i remember. i pray i never forget. i want to always remember the broken, guilty, and dead parts of my heart that He healed and pulled me out of...not to feel shame, but to reflect and rejoice in the forgiveness, the healing, the grace that replaced it all.



it happened

we had a big day ahead of us. we had visits to make, a lunch date even. and we both looked super cute. i had actually managed to get us dressed, my hair fixed, and was actually ahead of schedule. we were sneaking in a quick feeding and then the plan was to get the heck out of there.

and that's when it happened.

i had prepared myself for possible spit up by covering both arms, my shoulders, and my chest with burp cloths. i knew the liklihood of getting spit up on (since i looked so cute) was high, and i was ready.

i didn't count on the poop. yes, my sweet baby had on a diaper. yes, it was properly fastened. no, it didn't hold in the poop. as i sat little brooks on my leg (one of the few areas left unprotected) for a burp, out squished the poop. it came over the top of the diaper. it plopped onto my leg and my freshly semi-ironed pants (by "semi-ironed" i mean that i had thrown them in the dryer to get some of the wrinkles out...let's face it...standards have now dropped dramatically for me...actually that's not true...i have frequently "semi-ironed" my clothes for years...now i just have an excuse!)

but back to the poop. out it came and i shrieked while brooks looked at me as if to say, "geez mom, it's just a little poop...get over it already." we both quickly derobed and wet wipes were used in excess. my next pair of pants didn't get the dryer treatment, but we managed to pull ourselves together somehow and make it in time for our dates.

good times...good times  :)

making it

i've made it a little over a month at this parenting thing. it's a little crazy.

it's weird...there's such a dichotomy of being so thankful, feeling so blessed, and loving every second of it paired with the overwhelming-ness of the constancy of parenthood. this little blessing needs me constantly. i love that. and it also feels like a lot.

i was convicted today about my prayer life. the last few days have kickstarted all of these feelings and i reached a point today where i simply had to get out of the house. i hadn't had a shower, brooks was wearing the same thing he had on yesterday, but we just got up and went. i found myself eating lunch in the car in the target parking lot...listening to lullabies on the car CD player so that you-know-who would stay asleep. the lullaby that was playing was an instrumental version of "take it to the Lord in prayer", one of my favorite hymns. as the words were pulled from my memory, the Lord began speaking to me:

are you weak and heavy-laden
troubled with a load of care...
take it to the Lord in prayer

i was reminded that He still cares. our traumatic pregnancy and birth experience are over, but He's still here and He still has plans for my life. He cares that i am a little overwhelmed. He cares that i'm tired. He cares that my laundry is piling up and that eating lunch in the car in a parking lot constitutes "getting out". and He wants to help me deal with it all...but i have to ask for His help.

i stopped right there in the middle of my chicken tortilla soup (from chick-fil-a...not too shabby...) and asked for His help. with all of it. the feedings. the naps. the lack of naps. the not-quite-knowing-what-to-do-with-this-baby-sometimes feelings. the laundry. the lack of naps (i prayed that one more than once). and i prayed for my little blessing. that as he grows, he will be patient with me, that i will be patient with him. and that we both keep enjoying this grace of life that we have been given.

i'd love to tell you that i went home and brooks slept for five hours. alas, that didn't happen. but my soul found some rest, at least. we napped for about an hour (better than nothing!), played a little, and i got the chance to take a hot bath while he played in his play gym nearby. somehow, that improved my day and my outlook. we'll do it all again tomorrow, and i know that i have to keep praying for His help, His hand, His guidance. thank You Lord for lullabies that remind me of You, and for a son that reminds me of all that You are. thank You for helping us make it.

brooks in a bowl

love

i love watching him sleep. i love the way he looks up at me with his now steel-gray eyes. i love that he clasps his little hands together while he eats. i love that he has my nose. i love that he sleeps with his hands and arms all crazy. i love how he looks in his little outfits. i love that he looks like his daddy. i love that he squeaks like a mouse. i love his soft little back. i love his old man hair. i love when he makes a little "o" with his mouth. i love that he stops crying when i hold him. i love him in his little hats. i love it when he falls asleep in my arms. i love it when he smiles for no reason at all.

thank you God for this sweet baby. i love him so much.