i just finished reading "hinds' feet on high places". it's a beautiful story of the journey of Much-Afraid, a girl who wishes to follow the Great Shepherd to the high places but can't because of her crippled feet, ugly countenance, and much-afraid little heart. she speaks to the Shepherd and he promises to make her crippled feet like hinds' feet if she will follow his will instead of her own. i had to google this, but a hind is a female red deer (the male is known as a hart, also mentioned in the book). these deer live all over the world, but are known for their ability to leap with ease among the rocks and mountains. their feet are made for leaping! if you've ever slammed on your brakes as a deer bounded quickly in front of your car, you know that they can be there one minute and gone the next. they are fast, they are agile, and obstacles do not seem to hinder them in any way.
what a beautiful picture of what God wants for me. he desires for me to be able to leap!! he wants to have me with him on the high places. but i can't get there with fear in my heart, with an ungodly face, and with feet that haven't been made over. the hart and hind are born with feet made for leaping. mine have to develop over time. Much-Afraid gets her hinds' feet only after a long journey with Suffering and Sorrow as her companions. she follows the Shepherd up, down, over, and through many difficult paths, forests, seas, and deserts, and Suffering and Sorrow help her on her way. it's not an easy journey. she runs into her awful relatives along the way (Pride, Bitterness, Self-Pity, etc...you get the idea) and they try to persuade her to come back home. Each time she is assaulted by these trials, she calls out to the Shepherd, and he comes immediately to rescue her. if only i used this same faith every day!!
i am trying to follow my Shepherd. but my "relatives" try to prevent me from staying on the difficult path. they call loudly to me, they trip me up, they make sin seem easier than God's way. but i long to be as trusting as little Much-Afraid. to put my hands in the hands of Sorrow and Suffering and to let them guide me up the mountains in my life. to call out to Jesus when i am unsure, afraid, and tempted. to believe that no matter what i go through down here, there are higher places ahead (not just in heaven, but in this life!!). to trust that every hard day, every trial, every struggle is something that God allows in my life or places in my life to help make my crippled feet like hinds' feet, so that i am equipped to get to the high places.
in the end, Much-Afraid reaches the high places, but only after sacrificing her will, her very self, on the alter of God. only after allowing the Great Shepherd to remove the roots of her human, selfish, much-afraid heart and put in it's place his love. i am drawn to pictures and songs, things that give me a tangible way to capture a thought in my mind. this picture of salvation, of what God can do in my life when I let him, is one of my favorites. i will strive, like little Much-Afraid, to sacrifice my will daily, to remember the lessons he teaches me while i am on the road, and to allow him to continue making my feet like hinds' feet, my face more beautiful, and my heart more like his. Much-Afraid gets a new name when she reaches the high places, for she is no longer much-afraid; i can't wait to hear mine.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
what's He to you?
i know it's not officially fall yet, but i am already fully embracing it. with fall comes brisk, blustery days (my favorites, especially if it rains) that require sweaters and scarves and mugs of coffee and cocoa. fall means i get to sit at ballgames wrapped in a quilt without people looking at me like i'm crazy. i am allowed to place gourds and pumpkins and sunflowers and scarecrows all over my house. i love fall. fall also means that thanksgiving is right around the corner. and thanksgiving means that i get to sing one of my favorite childhood songs from the musical "Fat, Fat Jehoshaphat":
That's actually all i remember, but i always think of it at this time of year. this year in particular, i have a lot to be grateful for, so i have been thinking a little bit more about what all of these words mean.
these aren't words we use very often in everyday language...but maybe we should. maybe we should work on being the kind of people that others want to use these words about...maybe i should. in any case, start reminding yourself of who God is to you, of how He has shown you his benevolence, his tenderness, his lenience, and his mercy. oh...and get out your pumpkins!
"God's been beneficent, benevolent, tender, and benign, gracious, meritorious, merciful, and kind. He is lenient, and laudable, commendable and just. But these words only start to say how good He's been to us!"
That's actually all i remember, but i always think of it at this time of year. this year in particular, i have a lot to be grateful for, so i have been thinking a little bit more about what all of these words mean.
beneficent: causing good to be done
benevolent: expressing goodwill or kindly feelings
tender: affectionate, loving
benign: showing gentleness or kindness
gracious: pleasantly kind, compassionate
meritorious: deserving praise, reward, or esteem
merciful: full of mercy, which is compassion shown to an enemy or offender
kind: of a good or benevolent nature, mild, gentle
lenient: agreeably tolerant, permissive, indulgent
laudable: deserving praise
commendable: to praise as worthy of confidence, notice, and kindness
just: guided by truth, reason, and fairness
these aren't words we use very often in everyday language...but maybe we should. maybe we should work on being the kind of people that others want to use these words about...maybe i should. in any case, start reminding yourself of who God is to you, of how He has shown you his benevolence, his tenderness, his lenience, and his mercy. oh...and get out your pumpkins!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
God speaks through dogs too
i have been learning a lot lately about what it means to be obedient to God. today has been no different, except that He showed me something about myself...and he used my dogs to do it.
my two westies have extremely different personalities. tucker is very loving, fun, happy all the time, and typically very obedient. when i tell him to get in his crate, he runs willingly, never detours, and never makes me chase him around to get him to comply. rookie is the polar opposite. he is a little bit stingy with his love, can be a total snob, likes to make trouble, and "obedient" is not in his vocabulary (i guess he doesn't actually have a vocabulary since he's a dog, but you know what i mean...). he would rather do just about anything than get in the crate. when i tell him to get in, he hides under the bed, under the kitchen table, acts like he's going in and then quickly makes a move towards another room, etc. he'll do just about anything to not go into the crate.
today i saw a version of rookie that reminded me of how i must look to God sometimes. i asked him to get in the crate and he stood there looking at me for a few moments, as if consciously weighing his options. he was near the kitchen table and he glanced that way, wondering if he should make a break for it. i asked him again to get in the crate and he began walking towards the crate, very, very slowly, thinking about it with each step and looking at me the whole time to see if i was serious. when he got to the door of the laundry room, where we keep the crate, he took a couple of steps towards the guest bedroom, also very slowly, perhaps so i wouldn't notice. i asked him a third time to get in the crate. he gave me a long, pleading look and then dropped his head and walked in....halfway... he stopped with two feet in the crate and two feet out. i could almost hear him asking, "is this good enough?" i laughed out loud, gave him a kiss and a little push, and went on my way.
and that's when God said, "remind you of anyone?" i hadn't thought of it before, but how many times do i try to pull the same kind of stunts with Him? many times sin seems more attractive than doing what's right. or maybe God's way seems harder, or it doesn't make sense to us. then there are the times when we just flat-out refuse to do the obedient thing. whatever our reasons, we balk and stall and give God excuses in an effort to change His mind, to try and make Him see our point of view. we put two feet in the crate and keep two feet out and try to get away with it by asking, "is this good enough, God?"
well...God answers. and the answer is "no, it's not good enough." there is no such thing as good enough. God demands full obedience. anything short of that is disobedience. there isn't really any room for gray. there's a song by thousand foot krutch that says, "the trouble with truth is it never lies, the trouble with wrong is it's never right." that's such a good picture for me of what sin means to God, and it's convicting... as Christians sometimes we try to disguise our sin, saying it's "just the way i am". we blame our responses on the actions of other people. we do anything and everything we can to make our sin seem ok, so we don't have to be accountable to God or to ourselves. we say it feels good, others are doing it, whatever it takes to allow ourselves to continue being disobedient without facing the consequences. John addresses this in Revelation 3:16, saying that when we are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, God wants to spit us out of His mouth!! trying to walk the line between wrong and right is a sad, dangerous game. i've played it, and i've lost. there is no "middle ground" with sin. it's either sin, or it's God's way.
like my little westie, i have to consciously decide day-by-day, sometimes minute-by-minute, to walk, sometimes very slowly, very hesitantly, towards the right, towards God's light, and away from the wrong. and as rookie has found out, when he obeys willingly, when he doesn't make me chase him around the house, he is often rewarded with a treat. God's blessings are similar, though much more life-changing. His blessings are only found when we walk with Him. and the only way to walk with Him is to be obedient.
my two westies have extremely different personalities. tucker is very loving, fun, happy all the time, and typically very obedient. when i tell him to get in his crate, he runs willingly, never detours, and never makes me chase him around to get him to comply. rookie is the polar opposite. he is a little bit stingy with his love, can be a total snob, likes to make trouble, and "obedient" is not in his vocabulary (i guess he doesn't actually have a vocabulary since he's a dog, but you know what i mean...). he would rather do just about anything than get in the crate. when i tell him to get in, he hides under the bed, under the kitchen table, acts like he's going in and then quickly makes a move towards another room, etc. he'll do just about anything to not go into the crate.
today i saw a version of rookie that reminded me of how i must look to God sometimes. i asked him to get in the crate and he stood there looking at me for a few moments, as if consciously weighing his options. he was near the kitchen table and he glanced that way, wondering if he should make a break for it. i asked him again to get in the crate and he began walking towards the crate, very, very slowly, thinking about it with each step and looking at me the whole time to see if i was serious. when he got to the door of the laundry room, where we keep the crate, he took a couple of steps towards the guest bedroom, also very slowly, perhaps so i wouldn't notice. i asked him a third time to get in the crate. he gave me a long, pleading look and then dropped his head and walked in....halfway... he stopped with two feet in the crate and two feet out. i could almost hear him asking, "is this good enough?" i laughed out loud, gave him a kiss and a little push, and went on my way.
and that's when God said, "remind you of anyone?" i hadn't thought of it before, but how many times do i try to pull the same kind of stunts with Him? many times sin seems more attractive than doing what's right. or maybe God's way seems harder, or it doesn't make sense to us. then there are the times when we just flat-out refuse to do the obedient thing. whatever our reasons, we balk and stall and give God excuses in an effort to change His mind, to try and make Him see our point of view. we put two feet in the crate and keep two feet out and try to get away with it by asking, "is this good enough, God?"
well...God answers. and the answer is "no, it's not good enough." there is no such thing as good enough. God demands full obedience. anything short of that is disobedience. there isn't really any room for gray. there's a song by thousand foot krutch that says, "the trouble with truth is it never lies, the trouble with wrong is it's never right." that's such a good picture for me of what sin means to God, and it's convicting... as Christians sometimes we try to disguise our sin, saying it's "just the way i am". we blame our responses on the actions of other people. we do anything and everything we can to make our sin seem ok, so we don't have to be accountable to God or to ourselves. we say it feels good, others are doing it, whatever it takes to allow ourselves to continue being disobedient without facing the consequences. John addresses this in Revelation 3:16, saying that when we are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, God wants to spit us out of His mouth!! trying to walk the line between wrong and right is a sad, dangerous game. i've played it, and i've lost. there is no "middle ground" with sin. it's either sin, or it's God's way.
like my little westie, i have to consciously decide day-by-day, sometimes minute-by-minute, to walk, sometimes very slowly, very hesitantly, towards the right, towards God's light, and away from the wrong. and as rookie has found out, when he obeys willingly, when he doesn't make me chase him around the house, he is often rewarded with a treat. God's blessings are similar, though much more life-changing. His blessings are only found when we walk with Him. and the only way to walk with Him is to be obedient.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
mowing stinks...and so do i
i just mowed the grass. yay. woohoo. three cheers for me. seriously...give me three cheers please. i am so tired i can barely type. i know people all over the world mow their own grass all the time. i am sure that many even do it with a self-propelled/push mower. i am not one of those people. today makes twice in my life that i have ever mowed the grass. it will likely be the last time.
you see, my sweet husband's birthday is tomorrow. all he asked for was that we spend some money and time mulching the front yard and planting a crepe myrtle. so today, i thought i would surprise him and mow the grass so that a: it will look good with the new mulch and myrtle, b: he won't have to mow it himself, and c: when his family comes over no one will make fun of our grass. he knows that i hate to work in the yard and i hate being hot...so when this idea came to me i thought that it would be a really great way for me to say "i love you" and "happy birthday".
now...you need to understand that our mower is a little bit finicky. it's rigged to run a certain way and there's a little lever with a rabbit picture at one end and a turtle picture at the other. i gave my father-in-law a call and he walked me through how to start the darn thing. i set everything properly, thanked him for his help, and hung up. and then i remembered the pull-cord starter thingy. the first time i mowed many years ago, i was totally unable to get the mower to start; i just wasn't strong enough or quick enough (this would be reason numero uno for why i haven't mowed the grass since). but today, i decided, would be redemption day...and it was...for a few minutes. i got it started on the first try, began mowing, happily thinking of how pleased jeremy would be when he got home, and then it died. not to be deterred, i located our gas can and poured some gas in the tank. this sounds simple enough, but as you may or may not know, i am deathly afraid of fire, so the mere thought of pouring gasoline in a machine that already kinda smells like it might be burning gave me the heebie jeebies. not wanting to seem foolish in calling my father-in-law again, i gave dear old dad a call to make sure i wasn't doing anything stupid. he suggested i let it cool off a bit before i tried to start it again.
fast-forward one hour to mowing attempt number two. i managed to get it started again (sooo proud of myself, thank you very much) and mowed for a while. eventually, i decided i was about to pass out from being hot, sticky, and sneezing my head off. i cut the mower off (move lever from rabbit to turtle...ah, this makes sense!!!) and went inside for a break. once i had cooled off a bit, i went back out for session number three. only this time there was no starting mr. mower. i yanked. i pulled. i might have even said a few things i shouldn't have. and i almost cried. the front yard was done but the back yard only had a big strip down the side... i just HAD to finish it!! i tried several times and even called a friend of ours to see if he could come help me (no way was i calling dad or father-in-law again...i have my pride, people!); he didn't answer.
so the next logical step was to at least make the front look as good as possible. i have never used a blower or a weed-whacker...but i am proud to say that i now know how...sort of. i whacked some weeds along the edge of the sidewalk (did you know that thing can whack huge holes in the ground!?) and then used the blower to make it all nice and clean and pretty. by this time i was near death, so i took another break and had a little talk with God. i let Him know that i really, really wanted to finish the yard for jeremy, but that i was needing a little bit of help, so He either needed to send me someone to start my mower or i needed a little more oomph to make it happen. i went out, gave the mower one of my best "this yard ain't big enough for the both of us" looks, and gave the starter the biggest, hardest pull i could muster. IT STARTED!!! i said thank you to Jesus, laughed out loud at myself, and spent another hour mowing.
now i am clean and happily curled up under the covers, with some ointment on the blister on my hand, a hot water bottle under my feet, two Aleve in my tummy (washed down with a prayer that they will work some magic), and a towel on my head. he better freaking love it.
you see, my sweet husband's birthday is tomorrow. all he asked for was that we spend some money and time mulching the front yard and planting a crepe myrtle. so today, i thought i would surprise him and mow the grass so that a: it will look good with the new mulch and myrtle, b: he won't have to mow it himself, and c: when his family comes over no one will make fun of our grass. he knows that i hate to work in the yard and i hate being hot...so when this idea came to me i thought that it would be a really great way for me to say "i love you" and "happy birthday".
now...you need to understand that our mower is a little bit finicky. it's rigged to run a certain way and there's a little lever with a rabbit picture at one end and a turtle picture at the other. i gave my father-in-law a call and he walked me through how to start the darn thing. i set everything properly, thanked him for his help, and hung up. and then i remembered the pull-cord starter thingy. the first time i mowed many years ago, i was totally unable to get the mower to start; i just wasn't strong enough or quick enough (this would be reason numero uno for why i haven't mowed the grass since). but today, i decided, would be redemption day...and it was...for a few minutes. i got it started on the first try, began mowing, happily thinking of how pleased jeremy would be when he got home, and then it died. not to be deterred, i located our gas can and poured some gas in the tank. this sounds simple enough, but as you may or may not know, i am deathly afraid of fire, so the mere thought of pouring gasoline in a machine that already kinda smells like it might be burning gave me the heebie jeebies. not wanting to seem foolish in calling my father-in-law again, i gave dear old dad a call to make sure i wasn't doing anything stupid. he suggested i let it cool off a bit before i tried to start it again.
fast-forward one hour to mowing attempt number two. i managed to get it started again (sooo proud of myself, thank you very much) and mowed for a while. eventually, i decided i was about to pass out from being hot, sticky, and sneezing my head off. i cut the mower off (move lever from rabbit to turtle...ah, this makes sense!!!) and went inside for a break. once i had cooled off a bit, i went back out for session number three. only this time there was no starting mr. mower. i yanked. i pulled. i might have even said a few things i shouldn't have. and i almost cried. the front yard was done but the back yard only had a big strip down the side... i just HAD to finish it!! i tried several times and even called a friend of ours to see if he could come help me (no way was i calling dad or father-in-law again...i have my pride, people!); he didn't answer.
so the next logical step was to at least make the front look as good as possible. i have never used a blower or a weed-whacker...but i am proud to say that i now know how...sort of. i whacked some weeds along the edge of the sidewalk (did you know that thing can whack huge holes in the ground!?) and then used the blower to make it all nice and clean and pretty. by this time i was near death, so i took another break and had a little talk with God. i let Him know that i really, really wanted to finish the yard for jeremy, but that i was needing a little bit of help, so He either needed to send me someone to start my mower or i needed a little more oomph to make it happen. i went out, gave the mower one of my best "this yard ain't big enough for the both of us" looks, and gave the starter the biggest, hardest pull i could muster. IT STARTED!!! i said thank you to Jesus, laughed out loud at myself, and spent another hour mowing.
now i am clean and happily curled up under the covers, with some ointment on the blister on my hand, a hot water bottle under my feet, two Aleve in my tummy (washed down with a prayer that they will work some magic), and a towel on my head. he better freaking love it.
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