no post november

you've heard of "no shave november"... i apparently subscribe to "no post november". we're just so busy...i forget to write it all down!

you are so big, little brooks. you have six little teeth. you can stick out your tongue. you are pulling yourself up on anything that's even a little bit sturdy...and a few things that aren't...

your crazy "peg-leg festus" crawl (ie: festus from "gunsmoke") has us all cracking up on a regular basis.

 

 

you love looking at tiny town, all lit up at night, and rudolph with his nose so bright sitting on your dresser. we have been practicing your "ho, ho, ho!" because we are going to see santa tonight! you're actually doing pretty well...you usually get 2 out of 3 "ho's". i can hardly wait to see you with santa. we didn't get to take you last year because you were just so new...and we were just too nervous!

 

your first birthday is next week. we have such a fun party planned. i'm sure you won't remember it, but i have really enjoyed planning it. it's supposed to be a mexican fiesta! when your dad and i were trying to get pregnant, and all during the tough times that preceded that, we would always go to el cantarito, one of our favorite mexican restaurants. they had great salsa and we would sit for a long time just talking, crying, laughing, and praying together. we wanted to have your party there, for old time's sake, but we found out that their tamales (previously my most favorite food on earth) are very, very frozen...and it ruined it for us. so instead, we are bringing the fiesta to our house! grams and papa dale are bringing stuff to make tacos and nachos. grandaddy and nana are bringing a big blue surprise for you (oh, i want to tell!!!!!! i hate secrets). and gigi is saving the day and bringing your birthday cake. i wanted to make it myself, but let's just be honest...baking cakes just isn't what i do. i think it would have been a disaster. so publix is making it and i am decorating it. i think it's all going to turn out really cute and i'll take lots of pictures for you!!

 

you are such a happy, smart, and fun little boy. i feel like the last year has gone by in a blink. i so enjoy being your mom. i love being able to stay home with you, playing, dancing, making music and messes. you are my most favorite shopping companion, and i can't wait for the adventures we will have next year!

 

i love you my little one. 

salt dough ornaments

making christmas as a momma. so fun!!  click on the link to see the fun we had today!

jackson

we took a little trip recently. just the three of us. it was probably the cheapest trip i have ever been on...and also one of the most fun!

my husband and i met at union university, in dr. day's old testament class, fifteen years ago (we are getting so old!!). to celebrate such a momentous occasion, he surprised me with a weekend of reliving the good old days.

we drove to jackson, tn and spent the day retracing our steps, remembering the fun we had getting to know each other, remembering falling in love. we found our old classroom (if not for jeremy, i am fairly certain i would have ended up stranded on that campus, completely lost...he has the memory of an elephant). we found "the grill" where he first asked me out on a date. we found the steps nearby where we talked. we walked out to the baseball field, which is totally different now, but still full of memories for him. the sugar shack was gone, but we pulled out those memories too. it was so much fun. so romantic.

somehow, he also remembered how to get to the putt-putt golf place where we had our first date (and our first kiss). the girl working the desk took some pictures of the three of us. it was so perfect seeing all these places again with brooks. it was like being able to step back from our lives and see the full circle of God's plan. we had no idea when we met that we would be so blessed, that we would still be madly in love with each other and that we would have our sweet baby boy. we had no idea that we would go through the trials we have faced, and that God would bless us so tremendously with His grace and His perfect sovreignty and timing.

i have no idea where He will lead us in the next fifteen years. i can't step back and see all of that right now. but i hope that He continues to help me to trust that plan. this life He has given all of us is so precious. i can hardly wait to see what's in store for our family.

zoom

i know, i know...they grow up quickly. but this quickly?? i can hardly believe it. i feel like we just brought little brooks home from the hospital yesterday. we blinked, and now we're helping him shovel little chunks of chicken into his mouth (small enough not to choke on...don't worry, gigi) and clearing paths for him to practice his crawling/breakdancing (he lays on his thighs with his tummy off the ground and spins around and around with his hands...it's kind of a combination of the two). he has four teeth, pulls himself to a standing position, says "dada" and "momma" (it's more like mamamamama, but i'll take it...). tomorrow he'll be applying for jobs and getting married.

i pray every day that God would give us more time...more memories. and that He would help me to remember it all. i want to remember the things that make him laugh (daddy shaking his hat and saying "wacka!", peek-a-boo, elmo, "woo!"). i want to remember the times when he snuggles up close and just watches me with those big beautiful brown eyes. i don't want to forget his face covered in food, his hands grabbing at everything, the sound of his cries stopping the instant he's in my arms. i want to remember reading books, playing in flour, splashing in the bath tub, banging pots and pans. rocking and singing lullabies...falling asleep together...the way his face lights up when daddy comes home.

there's just so much. we can only cram so much into a day, and i don't want to take any of it for granted. i am so thankful for my times with him, for the memories. i don't remember being at home with my mom when i was little. but i know that she stayed home with me...and she has so many memories of the fun we had. i love hearing the stories of how much she enjoyed being with me. and i love that one day i can tell him the same stories.

his first ballgame

click the link to see little brooks's first ballgame: play ball!

so much fun!!

first, a song

this is a song i adapted from Joseph's Lullaby, by Mercy Me. You can listen to it  here. i used to sing it before brooks, before he was here, before i believed he would be here. God knew, though. and i think He gave me these words. He gave me the lullaby before He gave me brooks.

there have been many times in my life where the song came before the blessing. i think God works that way very purposely...we have such wicked, sinful hearts. hearts that are not prepared to accept the blessings, minds that aren't able to comprehend what He has for us. and so He begins the work. He pursues us. He captures our hearts. He convicts. He comforts. He disciplines. He breaks, puts back together, and molds us into the vessel that will accept His perfect will for our lives. and during that process, sometimes, He gives us a song. a peace, a joy, a taste of what's to come. through tears, prayer, and time spent with Him come the notes of a melody that sings of His great power, His goodness, and His extravagant love for us.

i still sing the lullaby. i will always sing the songs of the One who died for me, the One who saved me, the One who changes me, and who makes my life beautiful.

go to sleep my son
my arms, here for your bed
you have a long day before you
rest your little head

can you feel the weight of your worth to us?
do you understand our love?
does our Father guard your heart for now
so you can sleep tonight?

go to sleep my son
go and chase your dreams
this world can wait for one more moment
rest and sleep in peace

I believe a blessing from Heaven
is lying in my arms tonight
Lord, I thank You for this precious moment
thank You for this child

romans 10:15

it's the first thing i hear in the morning. over the monitor, "thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump!" with great feeling, with exuberance, with excitement ready to face the day! his little feet move faster than anything on my body...and oh, how he loves to kick those feet!
"how beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"

his feet and legs are moving this fast before he begins his morning conversations with looney bear, scout, and night-night. those toes are wiggling before he remembers that it's time to eat.
"how beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"

whether he's kicking his ball, splashing in the bathtub, sitting in his high chair, or just laying around...those feet are always moving. i am slightly terrified of how fast he will move once he figures out how to crawl and walk! i'll be chasing him all over and back again, i know.
"how beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"

wherever his feet go, i pray that they will be fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. that they will be quick to take the Good News wherever God leads. i pray that, as a parent, i don't hinder those little feet. that i am able to protect them, to prepare them, and to love them well on their way to wherever they are going.

these little feet were my good news from the Giver of all good things. i am excited to see what He has planned for these sweet little feet, for all ten of his toes, and for the heart that was created to love and be loved by this mama, his sweet daddy, and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

"how beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"

a stay-at-home mom (that's me!!)

"your little boy is so cute!" she says.
"oh, thank you" i reply.

"now, what do you do?" she asks sweetly.
"i'm a stay-at -home mom" my ears hear my mouth say.

my heart smiles. grins, actually.

it's funny. i always thought i would go back to work full-time. i love the work i do. it's challenging, it's rewarding, and i happen to care about the people i work with.

but when i became a mother, plans changed.

i started (and stopped...i need to start again) clipping coupons. i do my own nails. we cook at home more than we eat out (whoa!!! major life change here...). we make our own baby food (who would've thunk...). and i haven't bought a new shirt in months. i actually went to target recently and bought only formula and cough drops.

i don't say all of this because i'm proud (although, for me, some of this is huge). i say it to show that becoming a parent makes you willing to sacrifice. and it shows you that "sacrificing" grocery money, pedicure money, eating out money and new shirt money isn't really sacrificing at all. it's just stuff. stuff that doesn't matter.

what matters is that i get to sit in the floor and play with blocks. that i get to clean that homemade baby food out of ears, a nose, and off of every surface in reach of little hands. it matters that i look forward to bath time with toy boats and floating ducks. that dancing like an idiot to make him laugh is well worth any embarrassment. that hugs and kisses and sweet sleepy eyes never get old.

i know there will be days that are hard. i know that there will be true sacrifices that have to be made.  i am thankful that my sweet husband has spent hours going over the budget to make this work.
when we tuck our little boy in each night, we breathe prayers with grateful hearts to the One who has allowed us to be parents. we are thankful for every moment.

and i can't wait for tomorrow, another day that i get to enjoy the blessing of being his mom.

party in my crib!

today was little brooks's  7 month birthday. i have been taking pictures every month in the hopes of having his whole first year well preserved in plenty of scrapbooking paraphenalia. as the months go by, i am having a harder and harder time coming up with creative ways to commemorate each month. today, i thought it would be fun to photograph him with all of his furry friends. everyone was on board with this idea (particularly the teddy bears...they love a good group photo...) so they all piled into the crib for the photo shoot. brooks was having a blast, particularly with socks, his sock monkey. unfortunately, i couldn't get him to sit in the middle of his friends and actually look at me at the same time. so i did what any other slightly insane mother would do (assuming that no one was watching): i danced, i clapped, i yelled, i chirped like a bird and barked like a dog. my son ignored me through all of this, prompting me to attempt to imitate a siren. i think you'll see from the photo below that this did not end well.

but hey...this will be a great one for the scrapbook!!

pictured from left to right:
back row: brown bear, chocolate chip, looney bear, scout, night-night, rainbow bear
front row: the arm and leg of socks, clover the cow, alice the westie, brooks alan, angus the westie, blue bunny, lamby

i love you sweet boy!

playgym lullaby

yesterday marked day three of "going back to work". today marked the first time i fell asleep under my son's playgym.

i went to work at 8a.m. yesterday. i arrived home this morning at 9a.m.  yes, i was up all night. i work an "on call" schedule and, well, they called all night.

my sweet husband graciously manned the fort while i slept, but i just missed my little slobbery teething mess of a boy so much, i couldn't sleep for very long. that and the fact that some pipe outside decided to make a sound like a smoke alarm (?? what ??).....causing my husband to test the actual smoke alarm.....there was confusion and loud beeping and tears. lots of beeping and tears.

anyhoo...once i was up, the fun began. we snuggled. we laughed. we played with toys and changed clothes a few times (brooks, not me). i laid him under the playgym and watched for a while. he was so sweet, grabbing at things he couldn't reach until recently. he was kicking and laughing and i just couldn't stay away. so i crawled underneath the twirling birds and the laughing koala bear and the swinging hippopotamus to be with him. i smelled his sticky little boy who needs a bath smell. i laughed at the cold surprise of his wet, drool-covered hands on my cheeks. i gladly accepted the toes shoved into my face. and at some point, i fell asleep. i don't think it was for long, but all that tinkly music and twirling just sent me off to dreamland. i woke up to one of the wet hands on my face, saw the hippopotamus near my head, and laughed. brooks looked at me and smiled his mischievious "hi mom...i was awake while you were asleep!" smile.

he's growing up so fast. and i am so thankful for every second i have with him.

the beast and the dinosaur

goodbyes are hard.

our precious pups, rookie and tucker (see photos on the right sidebar of my blog), are now happy in a new home. they unfortunately weren't enjoying little brooks as much as we were, so we have had to give them to another family.

i remember the day we brought little one month old rookie home. we had picked him out of the box because he was the one who seemed the least interested in us. his brothers and sisters had been yelping and clawing to get to us, while he just slept in the corner. we thought he would be low maintenance. yeah....  he did sleep on my lap the whole way home. and that is where the sleeping stopped. he has played and jumped and barked his way through nine years with us. and he has brought us so much joy and laughter along the way. a lot of noise, but also a lot of happiness. his big brown eyes always seemed to read my thoughts. when i was sad, he knew. he would get very quiet, curl up beside me, and turn those eyes up to my face, as if to say, "it's ok...i am here and i love you".

sweet tucker came along a few years later. his scraggly, furry face jumped out at us from the ad on the internet from the westie rescue organization. he looked so sad...we just had to have him. we met him at a rest stop and fell in love. his freely given kisses and independent spirit have given us so many reasons to smile and laugh. though sometimes a loner, he too seemed to know when his love was needed, and he would rise from his perch atop the back of our chair, and slowly come over for a belly scratch and some kisses.

giving them away has been one of the hardest things we have done. we had to, of course, for the good of our family, but that didn't make it any easier. animals have the purest hearts. they just love and ask that you love them back. a great family has them now and is working to train them a little better before finding them their new forever family. through my sobs as i said goodbye i said, "i love you. have a happy life". that is all i wish for them. that someone will love them as much as we do and that they will continue to bring joy into the lives of those they love.

we miss you little beast and the dinosaur. thank you for the blessing that you were in our lives.

last night

the house is quiet and dark. i have checked the locked doors for the last time. the dryer rumbles softly fluffing the towels i forgot to fold earlier in the day. i tiptoe in for one more look at him. eyes closed, breathing softly. hands behind the head, elbows out. more diagonal than how i left him. i lean over the rail to smell his breath and kiss his forehead. my feet come off the ground so that i can reach him. his eyelids flutter open briefly, the long, dark eyelashes casting shadows on his face. he doesn't see me, so deeply asleep. "see you in the morning, sweet boy". he sighs and rearranges his arms. i wonder if he knows how much i love him. "mama loves you."

my peek-a-boo house

i found a great website, www.icanteachmychild.com. it's full of fantastic ideas, projects, and tips for teaching and playing with children of any age! this peek-a-boo house idea is one of my favorites. you can find the original here: http://www.icanteachmychild.com/2010/11/peek-boo-house/. here's my version:

i found a great piece of cardboard with these flaps to make it a little more interesting and also used lids from items other than just wipes containers (ie: plastic spice and candy containers, truvia container, boogie wipes, and chicken stock boxes). instead of felt for the coverings, i used the flannel baby blankets my little one is no longer using (i am a sentimental fool!) and added scrapbook paper to the tops of lids (mine have different animals on them). i used photos under some of the lids and placed various colors of scrapbook paper under the others (ie: the blue lid has blue paper underneath with "blue" written on it). this was really fun to make and totally worth the second degree burn i got from my glue gun!

my little piece of heaven

what He has done for us

i'm at a loss for words, there's nothing to say
i sit in silence wondering what led me to this place
how did my heart become so lifeless and cold
where did the passion go?

when all my efforts seem like chasing wind
i've used up all my strength and there's nothing left to give
i've lost the feeling and i'm numb to the core
i can't fake it anymore.

here i am at the end, i'm in need of resurrection
only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
what i've lost to the world, what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again

You speak and all creation falls to its knees
You raise Your hand and calm the waves of the raging sea
You have a way of turning winter to spring
make something beautiful out of all this suffering

here i am at the end, i'm in need of resurrection
only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
what i've lost to the world, what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again

-nicole sponberg
http://artists.letssingit.com/nicol-sponberg-lyrics-resurrection-ddns6v3

captivated

there is a woman i admire. she goes to my church. she has lots of kids and teaches them at home, runs a home business, helps with nearly every church event, and somehow finds time to email about the blessings and lessons the Lord teaches her each week. she's beautiful, funny, skinny, has great hair and is always smiling.

after reading a particularly stirring email yesterday, i was thinking about how i would like to be more like that. it seems that no matter how much time i have at my disposal, i find ways to waste it. of course, i spend a lot of my time in wonderful ways, but there are always things each day that i wish i would have accomplished, there is always time i wish i would have spent differently. one of the things i have been putting on the back burner is a daily bible study. i have used the typical excuses..."i don't know what to read...i'll do it tonight when i am less tired...i'll wait for a new week and start fresh". maybe those excuses aren't typical...maybe they're just mine.

the difference for her, aside from the great hair and body that i have no hope of obtaining, is that she starts each day with the Lord. i try to fit Him in when it's convenient. no wonder i struggle! so, in an effort to start a new habit, i began reading a devotional study last night. the words for the day were about fidelity. i saw the title, rolled my eyes, and thought, "oh well, i don't have a problem with this. i may as well just skip it." but the Lord said, "keep reading" and i did. of course, marital fidelity is extremely important, but beyond that, the devotional talked of our fidelity with the Lord, as the church and the Bridegroom. this allegiance to the Lord, this committment to Him and His ways, the relationship of love we share with Him...chris tiegreen says in walk with God that "we cannot be captivated by another" and remain faithful to Him. and he's right.

i am so easily captivated by other things. even things that are blessings in my life, if i let them take the place of my time with God, i am wrong. i want to be captivated by the word of God. to do that, i have to read it. i have to be still. quiet. i have to listen. that may mean less laundry gets done, or i may miss a favorite tv show...i think i will survive. but i won't make it in this life without His guidance, His hand. my life thus far is living proof of that.

captivate me, Lord. turn my eyes to You in the morning, so that i am focused on You all day.

no one told me

i have mentioned before that there are lots of things about having a baby that no one told me. perhaps the greatest of these is love.

no one told me that i would forego naps, chores, and even meals just to prolong the joy of rocking my sleeping baby. that my husband and i would argue each morning over who gets to see the first smile.  that i would never get tired of hearing people say "he looks just like his mama!"

no one told me that when i go to put him to bed each night, i would spend many minutes smelling his hair, his breath, and his skin. that i would sit and stare in wonder and amazement at the precious gift in my arms. that i would have a difficult time leaving him in his bed each night, always telling him "mama loves you, brooks. holler if you need me." that i would pray each night for one more day with him... for many, many more days with him. that i would kiss his sweet little nose, his cheeks, his forehead, always wanting "just one more" before putting him in his crib.

no one told me that his giggles would make me laugh uncontrollably. that when he moves his fingers in response to being waved at, it would seem worthy of a "breaking news" interruption in television programming. that watching him splash in his whale bathtub would provide a full thirty minutes of entertainment (or at least until he gets prune-y...). that having a "conversation" would consist of "ooo's" and "ahhh's"...and that i would actually feel loved and heard during that conversation. that folding tiny clothes would bring me joy and laughter.

no one told me that crocodile tears and a protruding bottom lip would break my heart. that his smile would light up my whole day. that watching my husband rush home to see his son would bless me tremendously.

no one told me how much i would love him. how thankful i would be.

the ladybug song

i remember this song from when i was a child. it was sung on sesame street, but i have decided to add some extra verses. brooks seems to love it (along with the dance we came up with to accompany it) and i don't want to forget it:

chorus:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12
ladybugs came to the ladybug picnic

repeat chorus

verse 1:
the ladybugs came, and they danced around
(whoo, whoo, whoo)
the ladybugs came, and they stomped their feet
(boom, boom, boom)
the ladybugs came, and they flapped their wings
(brrrrrrrrr)
the ladybugs came, and they had their picnic

chorus x 2

verse 2:
the butterflies came, and they brought some ham
(oh, yes they did!)
the honeybees came, and they brought some cheese
(yum, yum, yum)
the grasshoppers came, and they brought some lemonade
(gulp, gulp)
everybody came and enjoyed their picnic

chorus x 2

happiness

i am watching my sweet boy swinging in his swing. he is sleeping with his little bottom lip stuck out. there are bubbles forming and just sitting there on his mouth. his little brow is furrowed...i wonder what he is thinking or dreaming about. i remember the first time we put him in this swing. he was so tiny the safety straps were completely pointless (we strapped them on anyway). now his little feet almost reach the edge of the swing. his dad has hung some extra toys from the mobile that's attached. every time it goes around the little ladybug and butterfly tinkly toys brush gently over his head, which doesn't seem to bother him. i can hear him snoring softly. and every few minutes, while he sleeps, a smile appears briefly on his sweet little face.

catching up

whew! it feels good to finally find some time to write. i have all these things swimming around in my head that i haven't yet had time to put into words.

my little boy is two months old. time is flying by, and he gets sweeter with every day. we survived his two month shots, (who knew such a little person could scream so loudly?) and he is really smiling and starting to learn to play. my little smarty-pants has figured out (several weeks ago) how to roll from his tummy to his back, making "tummy time" somewhat difficult. brooks is a happy baby and we are enjoying every single minute with him!

we got the chance on saturday to spend some time with our church friends, and we were so very blessed! there are several couples going through trials similar to those we have been through. i don't think it's a coincidence that we have all been brought together into the same class. it was interesting hearing people speak, watching stories unfold, with all of us feeling like the beginnings of a ministry to couples struggling with infertility, loss, and going through adoptions might be taking form. i can only hope that God allows us to be a part of whatever He is doing through our class. please pray that we will all be sensitive to His will and open to the roles He might have for us. i don't know what God is up to, but i hope i get to be involved!

in the meantime, my side of our family is being hit hard by satan. i see these people that i love so dearly dealing with their pain, some of it caused by their own unwillingness to repent and change, and it is difficult to watch. our family is literally falling apart. i see sins that have entrapped me in the past causing brokenness in their lives, and i can only pray that God gently breaks their hearts in a way that causes them to reach for Him. i know they know He is there, that His way is best, but their choices are preventing them from experiencing the freedom and joy that comes from His blessings. i am sad for them...i have been where they are. i had to be broken. i want so badly for them to see what God can do if they will let Him... i just needed more Jesus. it's a need that will never be fully met. i will always need more of Him. i think they need more of Him too. He is the only way out of the pain they are in. and it's so hard to see when you are in the middle of the pain. i remember. i pray i never forget. i want to always remember the broken, guilty, and dead parts of my heart that He healed and pulled me out of...not to feel shame, but to reflect and rejoice in the forgiveness, the healing, the grace that replaced it all.



it happened

we had a big day ahead of us. we had visits to make, a lunch date even. and we both looked super cute. i had actually managed to get us dressed, my hair fixed, and was actually ahead of schedule. we were sneaking in a quick feeding and then the plan was to get the heck out of there.

and that's when it happened.

i had prepared myself for possible spit up by covering both arms, my shoulders, and my chest with burp cloths. i knew the liklihood of getting spit up on (since i looked so cute) was high, and i was ready.

i didn't count on the poop. yes, my sweet baby had on a diaper. yes, it was properly fastened. no, it didn't hold in the poop. as i sat little brooks on my leg (one of the few areas left unprotected) for a burp, out squished the poop. it came over the top of the diaper. it plopped onto my leg and my freshly semi-ironed pants (by "semi-ironed" i mean that i had thrown them in the dryer to get some of the wrinkles out...let's face it...standards have now dropped dramatically for me...actually that's not true...i have frequently "semi-ironed" my clothes for years...now i just have an excuse!)

but back to the poop. out it came and i shrieked while brooks looked at me as if to say, "geez mom, it's just a little poop...get over it already." we both quickly derobed and wet wipes were used in excess. my next pair of pants didn't get the dryer treatment, but we managed to pull ourselves together somehow and make it in time for our dates.

good times...good times  :)

making it

i've made it a little over a month at this parenting thing. it's a little crazy.

it's weird...there's such a dichotomy of being so thankful, feeling so blessed, and loving every second of it paired with the overwhelming-ness of the constancy of parenthood. this little blessing needs me constantly. i love that. and it also feels like a lot.

i was convicted today about my prayer life. the last few days have kickstarted all of these feelings and i reached a point today where i simply had to get out of the house. i hadn't had a shower, brooks was wearing the same thing he had on yesterday, but we just got up and went. i found myself eating lunch in the car in the target parking lot...listening to lullabies on the car CD player so that you-know-who would stay asleep. the lullaby that was playing was an instrumental version of "take it to the Lord in prayer", one of my favorite hymns. as the words were pulled from my memory, the Lord began speaking to me:

are you weak and heavy-laden
troubled with a load of care...
take it to the Lord in prayer

i was reminded that He still cares. our traumatic pregnancy and birth experience are over, but He's still here and He still has plans for my life. He cares that i am a little overwhelmed. He cares that i'm tired. He cares that my laundry is piling up and that eating lunch in the car in a parking lot constitutes "getting out". and He wants to help me deal with it all...but i have to ask for His help.

i stopped right there in the middle of my chicken tortilla soup (from chick-fil-a...not too shabby...) and asked for His help. with all of it. the feedings. the naps. the lack of naps. the not-quite-knowing-what-to-do-with-this-baby-sometimes feelings. the laundry. the lack of naps (i prayed that one more than once). and i prayed for my little blessing. that as he grows, he will be patient with me, that i will be patient with him. and that we both keep enjoying this grace of life that we have been given.

i'd love to tell you that i went home and brooks slept for five hours. alas, that didn't happen. but my soul found some rest, at least. we napped for about an hour (better than nothing!), played a little, and i got the chance to take a hot bath while he played in his play gym nearby. somehow, that improved my day and my outlook. we'll do it all again tomorrow, and i know that i have to keep praying for His help, His hand, His guidance. thank You Lord for lullabies that remind me of You, and for a son that reminds me of all that You are. thank You for helping us make it.

brooks in a bowl

love

i love watching him sleep. i love the way he looks up at me with his now steel-gray eyes. i love that he clasps his little hands together while he eats. i love that he has my nose. i love that he sleeps with his hands and arms all crazy. i love how he looks in his little outfits. i love that he looks like his daddy. i love that he squeaks like a mouse. i love his soft little back. i love his old man hair. i love when he makes a little "o" with his mouth. i love that he stops crying when i hold him. i love him in his little hats. i love it when he falls asleep in my arms. i love it when he smiles for no reason at all.

thank you God for this sweet baby. i love him so much.

things i have learned

i have learned a lot in the last three weeks of motherhood. here are a few of the high points:

1. i have the cutest baby on the planet
2. they weren't kidding when they said "buy more diapers"
3. baby boogers are much less icky than grown-up boogers
4. time now moves fourteen times faster than it did prior to the arrival of brooks
5. "i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" is more true than ever...this includes being able to function on four hours of sleep.
6. there is nothing hotter than a husband who says, "why don't you make a bottle so i can do the 3 a.m. feeding for you while you sleep". two nights in a row. God bless him.
7. i have a new appreciation for my beautiful, skinny ankles. welcome back ankles.
8. there is nothing more fun than staring at my son while he looks back at me with those big eyes and his little "o" mouth
9. "i got a lot done today" now means that i managed to take a shower, have on clean clothes, and accomplished at least one other task.
10. the vibration/music/nightlight machine that came with our pack-n-play should win a nobel peace prize. and we should've bought stock in AA batteries.
11.  i am "one of those" moms...the ones who take ridiculous pictures of their children...and post them for all to see. you're welcome. :)