my boys and their tummies

what a day! one might think that since i do not have children, i wouldn't have to deal with the tummy troubles that typically come with that territory. one would be wrong.

my oldest boy, the hubs, has been having some stomach difficulties for a while. he had a minor procedure today that turned out just fine, but scared the heck out of me. you see, while the doctor was taking a looky-look, he gave old jeremy some sleepy medicine...jeremy liked the sleepy medicine so much he decided he didn't really want to wake up. a typical thirty minute recovery took about an hour and a half. once he was feeling fine, we rolled down to the parking garage, and he promptly became as white as a ghost and we had to go back upstairs. we hung out in recovery for another thirty minutes while his blood pressure returned to normal and he remembered how to breathe and sleep at the same time. a good time was had by all.

the upside to all that time in recovery? he sleepily thanked me for cleaning the house while he pointed out the beautiful fountain in the middle of the room...you gotta love the drugs...

once i got him home, he had a little to eat and took a nice long nap. in the meantime, i realized our dogs hadn't eaten in two days (we were out of dog food), so i ran to the store to get some food. the place we buy their specialty food at (they are high-maintenance, you know...) was closed, so i had to pick a cheap alternative. in retrospect, i should have let them go hungry. apparently, changing foods on them isn't a good idea. once i got jeremy all tucked in and both dogs ate, the fun really started. tucker and i have been outside to puke three different times and he has puked inside five times. fortunately, i have managed to keep him off the carpet, but now he is resting pitifully beside his father, who is equally pitiful and still nauseous. little tucker screams (yes...dogs can scream) every time he pukes. it's kind of awful.

not one to be left out and since jeremy and tucker are resting comfortably, rookie has now started crying. he pushes into my lap, looks at me with those big black eyes, and cries. we have been outside twice for false alarms, but i am sure there is more fun to be had. this night may never end. here's my question...when do i get to cry?

all that we do

my husband played a song for me recently about the ways we love each other, as spouses, friends, fellow Christians, and as family. it talks about being there for each other in good times and bad... when the rest of the world seems to be laughing at you or crying with you...when you're lost or falling...when you're broken and at your worst. and then it says this: "but if all that we do is absent of Jesus, then this so-called love is completely in vain".

the first time i heard it, i had to sit and cry as i prayed a prayer of gratitude for the wonderful man i have by my side. i listened to it a few more times and started thinking about that last line. how many things do i do each day that are absent of Jesus? how many words do i say that sound more like venom than like Christ? how many times do i pass up opportunities to show His love to strangers, to friends, to my husband? how many days do i spend complaining and grumbling in an attitude of selfishness and discontent? and more difficult still...how often do i do things that the world sees as acceptable, even good? those things that fall into that dangerous "gray" area? those things that are easy to tell myself are ok, except for that still, small voice that says that they aren't...those are the ones i have a hard time with. God's word tells me that if it isn't absolutely something that's in His will, then it absolutely isn't in His will! and those things, those gray, fuzzy lines that i draw in the sand...they are absent of Jesus. those attitudes and activities and the time i spend thinking about those things...it's all a waste.

the only things that will ever last are the things that i do for the King. the only attitudes worth having and the only words worth saying are the ones that bring others closer to Him. this song has become a prayer for our family, a prayer that everything we do, from our actions and attitudes to the ways we speak, live, and hope...we pray that none of it will be in vain. we pray that our lives will be full of Jesus.

powerful stuff

there is a dessert at one of our favorite restaurants called "powerful stuff". it's an ice cream pie that the menu says is "enough for two". those of you who know me well will be shocked to hear that i have never actually eaten this dessert, but i've seen it and it looks amazing. i was reminded of it last night as i was falling asleep.

we were just blessed with some furniture for our future nursery. it's exactly what i was wanting and it was super cheap. it's a little weird having nursery furniture with no idea of when we will have a baby, but we are learning over and over again that God's ways are not our ways. i was compelled last night to sit in the room that our baby will sleep in one day and begin praying for this baby, for it's birth mother and for her struggles. surrounded by the pieces of our baby's crib, the dresser that will hold her clothes, the bookshelf my father built when i was a child that will hold her books...it was all very humbling. there is so much going on right now that we can't see. God is working in ways we may never know. i don't know if our baby has even been given life yet, but we are praying for her all the same. her birth mother is especially on my heart right now. i pray she will have the courage to choose life for our baby, and that if she doesn't know Jesus, that she will come to experience a relationship with Him. i am praying that He will comfort her through the difficulties that lie ahead for her. jeremy was there praying with me and it was very evident to me that God was there with us. i know without a doubt that He is working to bring about whatever is best for us.

after our prayer, we went to bed and i laid there for some time still thinking about it all. the only thing that came to mind to be able to express what i was feeling was "powerful stuff". this work that God is doing in our hearts and our lives, that i could already love a baby i have never seen...it's powerful stuff! my God is a powerful God! whatever His plan, whatever His will, i am learning to try to see it and to trust it when i can't. and just like that dessert i've never tasted, i know this God i serve, the Creator of all of this powerful stuff...He's enough for two. He's enough for us.

ahhhhh...freak out!

i am working on something for my husband. it's a new tool to help him know ahead of time how large of a freak-out i am about to have. you see, i caught him a little bit off guard last night and i thought he might be able to deal with my little disasters if he at least knew what to expect. after almost eight years of marriage, he has definitely been exposed to all levels of freaking out, but he still hasn't found a way to see them coming. i feel obliged to help him out. bless his soul.

i think there are three levels (possibly more, depending on what the future holds) of freaking out. the first level is a "mini" freak-out (this is what occurred last night). it involves a minimal amount of tears (possibly even none) that can be stopped easily and fairly quickly. the crankiness in a mini freak-out comes and goes. the rearranging of furniture lasts only briefly and involves only one or two not-very-heavy pieces. the mini freak-out is caused by general feelings of overwhelmedness, messes in the kitchen, the purchasing of small amounts of new furniture, etc. the cure for the mini freak-out is a nice hug, a cup of tea, and the moving of whatever furniture is necessary to make the freak-out stop. it also is cured by cleaning the kitchen.

the second level is a "whoa what's your problem" freak-out. the wwypfo is a good deal worse than the mini and involves a decent amount of tears, some yelling, and some forceful cleaning and slamming of doors, cabinets, etc. i haven't had one of these in a while, but i am describing it here for my husband's benefit. the wwypfo is caused by p.m.s., an accumulation of laundry (greater than usual, which for us is an exorbitant amount), congealed milk being left in cereal bowls more than four days in a row, minor damage to a car or piece of clothing, etc. the wwypfo is best stopped by an immediate utterance of "i'm sorry, you're right, i'm wrong" followed by the correction of whatever caused the wwypfo in the first place. the wwypfo must be followed up on the next day (typically) with a hug and a reiteration of the aforementioned "i'm sorry" and the details of what occurred during the wwypfo must never be discussed.

the third (and hopefully final) level is the "run for your life" freak-out. one should use caution when dealing with this freak-out as injury can occur. it may involve objects being hurled through the air, mean words yelled at never before heard decibels, and tears to the point of being unable to understand the person who is having the freak-out. eerily, this freak-out can be caused by just about anything. it sometimes follows the unresolved mini or wwypfo (these can escalate quickly if not handled appropriately) and can also be the result of forgetting a birthday, anniversary, or otherwise special moment not recognized by the regular calendar. unfortunately, there is no cure for this freak-out so your best bet is to...yep, run for your life. you should NEVER use this freak-out as a chance to bring up prior freak-outs or to point out flaws in the freaker-outer's appearance or weight (doing so will be at risk to your life).

i hope this helps my dear husband. i hope he keeps these descriptions with him at all times so that he can learn to identify the type of freak-out i am about to have, am having, or that he has just survived. i hope it will be some length of time before he has to experience the next one.

yikes and yay!

well, it's official...we are adopting! we don't know how, we don't know when, we don't know who. and we don't care! we spent today hearing families who have adopted tell their stories and it was such a blessing. we have a whopping amount of paperwork to fill out and a lengthy list of tasks to complete, but that means we have moved from just talking about adopting to actually being in the process of adopting! we are terrified, overwhelmed, and so excited. God is so good (all the time!) and He continues to work with us to show us how to trust Him. This is all so very out of our control (although I am already making lists to organize my lists of lists of things to do....gotta have control over something!) and we know that He will continue to lead us in the ways we need to go.

pray for us as we learn and work our way through this process. it won't be easy and we are told to prepare for at least one heartbreak along the way. but there is something to be said for being where God wants you to be, for being smack in the middle of what He's doing. we believe that's where we are, and we pray for open hearts and ears to stay in that place as God works in our lives and in the lives of our child and his/her birth family. we feel blessed already to be a part of this process and can't wait to see where it takes us. we'll keep you posted!

p.s. happy birthday mom!! kinda cool that i get to start the process of being a mom on my mom's birthday!