amoxicillin and a prayer for mercy: part two

apparently i have a word limit on this blog...whatever...

after my conversation with God, in which He made it clear that i was to wait.  and to trust.  ugh.  i then spent more time in prayer for His help in doing this. it's just not a natural thing for me. when i tucked brooks in, i laid my hands on his little body and prayed that he would be hungry today, that he would want to eat, and that God would bless his body and help him feel better. i didn't go to sleep with any answers, but i did feel more at peace.

we got up this morning, and while i was making eggs and pancakes (who could resist, right?!), The Lord prompted me to spend more time with Him. i got my bible out, and read psalm 130 out loud again. i said, "Lord, this is a mother's prayer for mercy. he needs to eat. he hasn't eaten well in days. i need him to eat. please help me be patient. help me not stress him out. just help! i trust You."

brooks ate his eggs and cheese. all of them.  ALL OF THEM. and half of a blueberry pancake.

i'm not going to lie. i cried a few tears of joy. of thankfulness. of relief.

it's a silly, little, mundane thing. but my God cares. and this morning, He had mercy on my tired, scared and frustrated momma's heart.

He is teaching me with the little things. showing me with my little one. parenting is so full of God's grace...but i have to wait and trust if i'm ever to see it. i have to cry out for His help, for His mercy, in my every thought, word, and deed. i can't do this on my own. my husband can't. even our best together isn't good enough. we need His hand, His help. even, and especially, in the little things.

amoxicillin and a prayer for mercy: part one

perhaps you're one of those people who pray every now and then, when things get really bad. or maybe your're the type of person who lives life in what feels like a constant state of prayer. or maybe you're like me and fall somewhere in the middle. i'm trying to be more intentional.

i attended a conference a few months ago and got the opportunity to attend some sessions taught by angela cottrell on how to teach your children scripture and how to pray. the short version of what i learned is that i have to lead by example. i've never been one to pray for the little things in life, the daily, mundane things that i guess i never felt like God cares about or has time for. these sessions changed my opinions, as i heard angela's testimony on how God worked through those little things in her life and in the lives of her children. when we are faithful in little, He gives us much... since attending those sessions, i've tried to include more scripture and out loud prayer (where my son can hear me) in our day. some days i do better than others, but what's surprising me is how it's changing my heart.

i recently started a bible study with some ladies at our church. yesterday's reading prompted me to read psalm 130, and to reflect on what it meant to me, what God might be asking of me through it, and how i might need to respond.

psalm 130: a prayer for mercy
Lord, I am in great trouble, so I call out to You. Lord, hear my voice; listen to my prayer for help. Lord, if you punished people for all their sins, no one would be left, Lord. But You forgive us, so You are respected. I wait for The Lord to help me, and I trust His word. I wait for The Lord to help me more than night watchmen wait for the dawn. People of Israel, put your hope in The Lord because He is loving and able to save. He will save Israel from all of their sins.

the first time i read this, if i'm honest, i didn't really think it applied to me. that's ridiculous, of course, because it's God word...so it obviously applies to me...but in my selfish, arrogant heart, that's what came to mind. as i finished the reading for the chapter, i decided to re-read the psalm. this time, my heart caught on "I wait for The Lord to help me, and I trust His word." hmmm....i wait...and i trust... uh oh. that might apply to me. crap. so i read it again, and then a fourth time. i've said before that i'm not good at waiting. patience is not my virtue. and trust is a closely lacking second. i spent a little time in prayer that God would help me to wait and to trust. later that day, He gave me a chance to put my money where my mouth is.

we've had difficulty with getting brooks to eat since the day he was born. there are a multitude of contributing factors, but because he's underweight for his age, it stresses us out and it's something we spend a lot of time thinking about and trying to work on. he likes to eat, he eats a variety of foods, but eats teeny tiny amounts of them. he tells us when he's hungry, when he's not, what he likes, what he doesn't. but he's as stubborn as i am, and with an added streak of two-year old-ness, it's just more than we can figure out some days. he's been sick this past week, and because of his antibiotics his stomach is all topsy-turvy. he hasn't eaten more than a handful of food in almost a week, appears to have lost some weight, and his dad and i just get progressively more worried as the days go on. we keep hearing, "he'll eat when he's hungry", which we agree with, except that he's not getting hungry! so we worry, we fret, we stress him out, we stress ourselves out. we just don't want something to be wrong.

so after another difficult and tiny dinner last night, God brought this scripture to mind. "I wait for The Lord to help me, and I trust His word."  my internal prayer went a little like this:

Him: do you trust me with this?
me: do You even care about this?
Him: I care about you. I care about brooks. and you care about this and him. so yes, I care about this.
me: and i'm supposed to wait and trust?
Him: yes.
me: ........sigh......how long do i have to wait?
Him: you just wait. and trust.
me: ok

my plate (?)

ya'll... my boy made this.  for me.

what is it, you ask? i'm not actually sure. maybe a plate? serving tray? or perhaps it's just the greatest piece of artwork ever made? 

we craft a lot at our house, so i have lots of drawings, projects with cotton balls, and things covered in stickers. i love them all, and i have to force myself to not keep everything he touches. it's torture throwing away his little creative things. 

but we have never attempted making a...we'll call it a plate, for now. 

we go to M.O.Ps on Friday nights at our church, a bible study and fun group for mother's of preschoolers. the focus of this group seems to be on living a life that glorifies God, which is what i hope to teach to my son. the devotionals are spot-on with where i am in my life and with what God has been speaking to my heart. my child is well-taken care of, fed even, while i get to spend time enjoying God's word and time with other moms. he has a great time, i have a great time, there's food, and sometimes he comes home with a plate. it doesn't get any better. 

my mom has a really ugly pig in her kitchen. it's one that i made when i was maybe 5 or 6 years old. it's wooden, with black and white beans glued all over it and a little red bow. i remember being pretty proud of that pig. and 30ish years later, minus several beans, it still hangs out in her kitchen. when i picked brooks up last night from his class at M.O.Ps, and they gave me this ceramic plate he had made back before Christmas (it had to have time to "cure"), i instantly knew that everyone who ever enters my home would see it on display and know how very precious the work of these little hands is to me. it's got little lines all through it that i presume he drew with his fingers. i almost cried when they showed it to me. these people know what a momma's heart needs: good Christian people who love my son and who care enough about me to teach me God's word and help my child make me a plate. 

it's my first real piece of art from my brooks. i've been staring at it all morning. it and what it represents are just precious to me. 

thank you God, for plates. for fingers that paint, and for the hands that guide those fingers when i am not there. 

conversations

my two year old is pretty smart. he talks a lot.   a lot.

here's a sampling from tonight's chattering:

me: are you hungry buddy?
him: yes.
me: daddy's ordering a pizza. do you want some pizza?
him: NOOOO!!!! NO PIZZA!!! NO PIZZA! NO PIZZA!
me: ok. no pizza.
him: NO PIZZA!
me: ok, brooks. i got it. no pizza. [stupidly...] but daddy and i are gonna eat pizza.
him: NO!! NO!! NO PIZZA!
me: ok! no pizza! no pizza!
him: want pizza!
me: ok buddy. whatever you want. as soon as we get home.
him: daddy home? stay with daddy. WANT DADDY!
me: yep, you got it. you can stay with daddy when we get home.
him: NO MOMMY!
me: you don't want mommy?
him: MOMMY STAY!!! NO MOMMY! MOMMY STAY! WANT DADDY!
me: i'm confused. do you want mommy!
him: STAY! HOME!
me: whatever you say, brooks.
him: [cue tears] PIZZA!

i give up.
brooks: 1  mom: 0