our God is greater

when we were going through fertility treatments and dealing with the loss of our two previous babies, there were lots of trips to the doctor's office. they were always so hard for me, as i anticipated the bad news that i had been told was likely coming. even now, when we have had so much good news, so much to praise Him for, those rides to the doctor's office are still difficult for me. satan gets in my mind during those times and i can pretty easily work myself into tears in a short amount of time.

jeremy does a great job of helping me focus on the Lord, reminding me of all the things He has done in our lives, holding me closely and calming me down. sometimes, we meet at the office and my time in the car is spent alone; these are my hardest times, when i am alone with my thoughts. the perfect song played at the perfect time by those blessed folks in Christian music always blesses my heart. almost every trip, the song "our God is greater" by chris tomlin has been played. eventually, i got the point. now, i sing it even if it's not on. sometimes, i tell satan (out loud) to get out of my car; i remind him that i am a child of the King and that he has no place in my life. i believe he is real and we have the ability through the power of Christ to command him to leave us alone.

the words to that song come to mind today again, not because i am struggling today (although the day isn't over), but because yesterday marked a milestone in the life of our precious son. he is 28 weeks old. when we first started talking with doctors five or six years ago about conceiving a child, they told us we would be lucky to make it to 28 weeks, lucky to have a healthy baby, lucky to have one that wouldn't be in the hospital for weeks or even months. we seriously considered never trying to conceive, our concerns many that we might make a selfish decision that would cause our child to have a poor quality of life. if you know our story, you know that through years of prayer, we started the process of adoption, but never made a conscious decision to avoid conception. this was a difficult decision, but was one that we felt unmistakenly called to. we pursued both avenues, knowing the Lord would provide in whatever way would bring us the most good and Him the most glory.

these last six months of being pregnant with brooks have been hard, confusing, uncomfortable, and full of questions. they have been the best six months of our lives. we love him so much and feel so blessed to be his parents. we don't know all that lies ahead, but we do know this:

our God is greater
our God is stronger, higher than any other
our God is Healer, awesome in power
and if our God is for us, then who could ever be against us?
 (the answer is no one!)

i'm not sure why i am surprised that we're at 28 weeks. my prayers are for as many days as He'll give us, for as many as it takes for brooks to be all that He has made him to be. my prayers are for patience, for trust, for forgiveness when i doubt, and for a strong grip on my ever-wavering and fragile heart. each day, each hour, each minute that we have with brooks is an answer to those prayers. he is our beautiful gift from God, one that we do not deserve, but that we want and thank Him for with all of our hearts. He shows us each day that He is greater. our God is greater.