captivated

there is a woman i admire. she goes to my church. she has lots of kids and teaches them at home, runs a home business, helps with nearly every church event, and somehow finds time to email about the blessings and lessons the Lord teaches her each week. she's beautiful, funny, skinny, has great hair and is always smiling.

after reading a particularly stirring email yesterday, i was thinking about how i would like to be more like that. it seems that no matter how much time i have at my disposal, i find ways to waste it. of course, i spend a lot of my time in wonderful ways, but there are always things each day that i wish i would have accomplished, there is always time i wish i would have spent differently. one of the things i have been putting on the back burner is a daily bible study. i have used the typical excuses..."i don't know what to read...i'll do it tonight when i am less tired...i'll wait for a new week and start fresh". maybe those excuses aren't typical...maybe they're just mine.

the difference for her, aside from the great hair and body that i have no hope of obtaining, is that she starts each day with the Lord. i try to fit Him in when it's convenient. no wonder i struggle! so, in an effort to start a new habit, i began reading a devotional study last night. the words for the day were about fidelity. i saw the title, rolled my eyes, and thought, "oh well, i don't have a problem with this. i may as well just skip it." but the Lord said, "keep reading" and i did. of course, marital fidelity is extremely important, but beyond that, the devotional talked of our fidelity with the Lord, as the church and the Bridegroom. this allegiance to the Lord, this committment to Him and His ways, the relationship of love we share with Him...chris tiegreen says in walk with God that "we cannot be captivated by another" and remain faithful to Him. and he's right.

i am so easily captivated by other things. even things that are blessings in my life, if i let them take the place of my time with God, i am wrong. i want to be captivated by the word of God. to do that, i have to read it. i have to be still. quiet. i have to listen. that may mean less laundry gets done, or i may miss a favorite tv show...i think i will survive. but i won't make it in this life without His guidance, His hand. my life thus far is living proof of that.

captivate me, Lord. turn my eyes to You in the morning, so that i am focused on You all day.