a beautiful heart

we got to see our little boy today. he was moving a ton (thanks to a little coca-cola i had at lunch) and even showed out a little bit for us by sucking his thumb. it was precious.

as the sonographer was checking everything out on the ultrasound, she zoomed in on his heart. we have known since the last ultrasound that his little heart was normal and functioning properly; it was one of the first things i asked about at the last ultrasound. before we could even ask why she was looking so closely at his heart this time, she said, "this is a beautiful heart. he has a beautiful heart."

as a nurse who has taken care of many children with congenital heart defects, i was worried about our baby's heart from the beginning. as a nurse who now takes care of matching "beautiful hearts" to the perfect recipient through transplant, i understand the medical and physical beauty of a heart that functions perfectly. there is such incredible detail involved in all the pieces of the body, but particularly with the heart, with all of its intricate muscle fibers, electrical system, and the amount of plumbing required for it to all work well, i am always amazed when i get the opportunity to see one beating. the compliment to God's handiwork at forming our son's heart was a kind one that holds a lot of meaning for me.

but whether the sonographer meant this to be a deeper compliment or not, it means much more to me than just the physical beauty of a well-made heart. it's no secret that i believe baby brooks to be a miraculous gift from God. all babies are, in my opinion, but brooks is God's gift to us. i have also made it apparent that i believe this miracle to be possible because of the physical healing God has brought about in my body. i still have two uteruses (uterii...whatever), but what has never worked before is working now and i can only attribute that to His hand. perhaps greater still is the work He has done in our hearts, healing pain and bitterness, anger and confusion and bringing joy and peace into our lives.

so when our sonographer said, "he has a beautiful heart" i immediately thought of brooks's soul, not just his physical heart. my next thought was "of course he does". our baby boy has had a beautiful heart since the day he was conceived. and as he grows, God is working in his heart physically and in his heart spiritually. i have been praying already for our son's spirit, his soul, his heart. i pray that he will be tenderhearted towards the things of God, that he will be kind and loving and eager to seek after the Lord. i have prayed that we will be good stewards of such a special gift, that God will give us the ability to love brooks as God loves us, that we will be able to show him God's love in the ways that we love him. i pray that when brooks asks about God, about heaven, about a relationship with Jesus, that we, his parents, will have the right words to say that will bring understanding to his beautiful heart.

i can hardly wait to meet our miracle, to see him and hold him and tell him how much he is loved. i can hardly wait to get to know his heart. his beautiful, beautiful heart.