making it

i've made it a little over a month at this parenting thing. it's a little crazy.

it's weird...there's such a dichotomy of being so thankful, feeling so blessed, and loving every second of it paired with the overwhelming-ness of the constancy of parenthood. this little blessing needs me constantly. i love that. and it also feels like a lot.

i was convicted today about my prayer life. the last few days have kickstarted all of these feelings and i reached a point today where i simply had to get out of the house. i hadn't had a shower, brooks was wearing the same thing he had on yesterday, but we just got up and went. i found myself eating lunch in the car in the target parking lot...listening to lullabies on the car CD player so that you-know-who would stay asleep. the lullaby that was playing was an instrumental version of "take it to the Lord in prayer", one of my favorite hymns. as the words were pulled from my memory, the Lord began speaking to me:

are you weak and heavy-laden
troubled with a load of care...
take it to the Lord in prayer

i was reminded that He still cares. our traumatic pregnancy and birth experience are over, but He's still here and He still has plans for my life. He cares that i am a little overwhelmed. He cares that i'm tired. He cares that my laundry is piling up and that eating lunch in the car in a parking lot constitutes "getting out". and He wants to help me deal with it all...but i have to ask for His help.

i stopped right there in the middle of my chicken tortilla soup (from chick-fil-a...not too shabby...) and asked for His help. with all of it. the feedings. the naps. the lack of naps. the not-quite-knowing-what-to-do-with-this-baby-sometimes feelings. the laundry. the lack of naps (i prayed that one more than once). and i prayed for my little blessing. that as he grows, he will be patient with me, that i will be patient with him. and that we both keep enjoying this grace of life that we have been given.

i'd love to tell you that i went home and brooks slept for five hours. alas, that didn't happen. but my soul found some rest, at least. we napped for about an hour (better than nothing!), played a little, and i got the chance to take a hot bath while he played in his play gym nearby. somehow, that improved my day and my outlook. we'll do it all again tomorrow, and i know that i have to keep praying for His help, His hand, His guidance. thank You Lord for lullabies that remind me of You, and for a son that reminds me of all that You are. thank You for helping us make it.