perhaps you're one of those people who pray every now and then, when things get really bad. or maybe your're the type of person who lives life in what feels like a constant state of prayer. or maybe you're like me and fall somewhere in the middle. i'm trying to be more intentional.
i attended a conference a few months ago and got the opportunity to attend some sessions taught by angela cottrell on how to teach your children scripture and how to pray. the short version of what i learned is that i have to lead by example. i've never been one to pray for the little things in life, the daily, mundane things that i guess i never felt like God cares about or has time for. these sessions changed my opinions, as i heard angela's testimony on how God worked through those little things in her life and in the lives of her children. when we are faithful in little, He gives us much... since attending those sessions, i've tried to include more scripture and out loud prayer (where my son can hear me) in our day. some days i do better than others, but what's surprising me is how it's changing my heart.
i recently started a bible study with some ladies at our church. yesterday's reading prompted me to read psalm 130, and to reflect on what it meant to me, what God might be asking of me through it, and how i might need to respond.
psalm 130: a prayer for mercy
Lord, I am in great trouble, so I call out to You. Lord, hear my voice; listen to my prayer for help. Lord, if you punished people for all their sins, no one would be left, Lord. But You forgive us, so You are respected. I wait for The Lord to help me, and I trust His word. I wait for The Lord to help me more than night watchmen wait for the dawn. People of Israel, put your hope in The Lord because He is loving and able to save. He will save Israel from all of their sins.
the first time i read this, if i'm honest, i didn't really think it applied to me. that's ridiculous, of course, because it's God word...so it obviously applies to me...but in my selfish, arrogant heart, that's what came to mind. as i finished the reading for the chapter, i decided to re-read the psalm. this time, my heart caught on "I wait for The Lord to help me, and I trust His word." hmmm....i wait...and i trust... uh oh. that might apply to me. crap. so i read it again, and then a fourth time. i've said before that i'm not good at waiting. patience is not my virtue. and trust is a closely lacking second. i spent a little time in prayer that God would help me to wait and to trust. later that day, He gave me a chance to put my money where my mouth is.
we've had difficulty with getting brooks to eat since the day he was born. there are a multitude of contributing factors, but because he's underweight for his age, it stresses us out and it's something we spend a lot of time thinking about and trying to work on. he likes to eat, he eats a variety of foods, but eats teeny tiny amounts of them. he tells us when he's hungry, when he's not, what he likes, what he doesn't. but he's as stubborn as i am, and with an added streak of two-year old-ness, it's just more than we can figure out some days. he's been sick this past week, and because of his antibiotics his stomach is all topsy-turvy. he hasn't eaten more than a handful of food in almost a week, appears to have lost some weight, and his dad and i just get progressively more worried as the days go on. we keep hearing, "he'll eat when he's hungry", which we agree with, except that he's not getting hungry! so we worry, we fret, we stress him out, we stress ourselves out. we just don't want something to be wrong.
so after another difficult and tiny dinner last night, God brought this scripture to mind. "I wait for The Lord to help me, and I trust His word." my internal prayer went a little like this:
Him: do you trust me with this?
me: do You even care about this?
Him: I care about you. I care about brooks. and you care about this and him. so yes, I care about this.
me: and i'm supposed to wait and trust?
Him: yes.
me: ........sigh......how long do i have to wait?
Him: you just wait. and trust.
me: ok
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