the beast and the dinosaur

goodbyes are hard.

our precious pups, rookie and tucker (see photos on the right sidebar of my blog), are now happy in a new home. they unfortunately weren't enjoying little brooks as much as we were, so we have had to give them to another family.

i remember the day we brought little one month old rookie home. we had picked him out of the box because he was the one who seemed the least interested in us. his brothers and sisters had been yelping and clawing to get to us, while he just slept in the corner. we thought he would be low maintenance. yeah....  he did sleep on my lap the whole way home. and that is where the sleeping stopped. he has played and jumped and barked his way through nine years with us. and he has brought us so much joy and laughter along the way. a lot of noise, but also a lot of happiness. his big brown eyes always seemed to read my thoughts. when i was sad, he knew. he would get very quiet, curl up beside me, and turn those eyes up to my face, as if to say, "it's ok...i am here and i love you".

sweet tucker came along a few years later. his scraggly, furry face jumped out at us from the ad on the internet from the westie rescue organization. he looked so sad...we just had to have him. we met him at a rest stop and fell in love. his freely given kisses and independent spirit have given us so many reasons to smile and laugh. though sometimes a loner, he too seemed to know when his love was needed, and he would rise from his perch atop the back of our chair, and slowly come over for a belly scratch and some kisses.

giving them away has been one of the hardest things we have done. we had to, of course, for the good of our family, but that didn't make it any easier. animals have the purest hearts. they just love and ask that you love them back. a great family has them now and is working to train them a little better before finding them their new forever family. through my sobs as i said goodbye i said, "i love you. have a happy life". that is all i wish for them. that someone will love them as much as we do and that they will continue to bring joy into the lives of those they love.

we miss you little beast and the dinosaur. thank you for the blessing that you were in our lives.

last night

the house is quiet and dark. i have checked the locked doors for the last time. the dryer rumbles softly fluffing the towels i forgot to fold earlier in the day. i tiptoe in for one more look at him. eyes closed, breathing softly. hands behind the head, elbows out. more diagonal than how i left him. i lean over the rail to smell his breath and kiss his forehead. my feet come off the ground so that i can reach him. his eyelids flutter open briefly, the long, dark eyelashes casting shadows on his face. he doesn't see me, so deeply asleep. "see you in the morning, sweet boy". he sighs and rearranges his arms. i wonder if he knows how much i love him. "mama loves you."

my peek-a-boo house

i found a great website, www.icanteachmychild.com. it's full of fantastic ideas, projects, and tips for teaching and playing with children of any age! this peek-a-boo house idea is one of my favorites. you can find the original here: http://www.icanteachmychild.com/2010/11/peek-boo-house/. here's my version:

i found a great piece of cardboard with these flaps to make it a little more interesting and also used lids from items other than just wipes containers (ie: plastic spice and candy containers, truvia container, boogie wipes, and chicken stock boxes). instead of felt for the coverings, i used the flannel baby blankets my little one is no longer using (i am a sentimental fool!) and added scrapbook paper to the tops of lids (mine have different animals on them). i used photos under some of the lids and placed various colors of scrapbook paper under the others (ie: the blue lid has blue paper underneath with "blue" written on it). this was really fun to make and totally worth the second degree burn i got from my glue gun!

my little piece of heaven

what He has done for us

i'm at a loss for words, there's nothing to say
i sit in silence wondering what led me to this place
how did my heart become so lifeless and cold
where did the passion go?

when all my efforts seem like chasing wind
i've used up all my strength and there's nothing left to give
i've lost the feeling and i'm numb to the core
i can't fake it anymore.

here i am at the end, i'm in need of resurrection
only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
what i've lost to the world, what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again

You speak and all creation falls to its knees
You raise Your hand and calm the waves of the raging sea
You have a way of turning winter to spring
make something beautiful out of all this suffering

here i am at the end, i'm in need of resurrection
only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
what i've lost to the world, what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again

-nicole sponberg
http://artists.letssingit.com/nicol-sponberg-lyrics-resurrection-ddns6v3

captivated

there is a woman i admire. she goes to my church. she has lots of kids and teaches them at home, runs a home business, helps with nearly every church event, and somehow finds time to email about the blessings and lessons the Lord teaches her each week. she's beautiful, funny, skinny, has great hair and is always smiling.

after reading a particularly stirring email yesterday, i was thinking about how i would like to be more like that. it seems that no matter how much time i have at my disposal, i find ways to waste it. of course, i spend a lot of my time in wonderful ways, but there are always things each day that i wish i would have accomplished, there is always time i wish i would have spent differently. one of the things i have been putting on the back burner is a daily bible study. i have used the typical excuses..."i don't know what to read...i'll do it tonight when i am less tired...i'll wait for a new week and start fresh". maybe those excuses aren't typical...maybe they're just mine.

the difference for her, aside from the great hair and body that i have no hope of obtaining, is that she starts each day with the Lord. i try to fit Him in when it's convenient. no wonder i struggle! so, in an effort to start a new habit, i began reading a devotional study last night. the words for the day were about fidelity. i saw the title, rolled my eyes, and thought, "oh well, i don't have a problem with this. i may as well just skip it." but the Lord said, "keep reading" and i did. of course, marital fidelity is extremely important, but beyond that, the devotional talked of our fidelity with the Lord, as the church and the Bridegroom. this allegiance to the Lord, this committment to Him and His ways, the relationship of love we share with Him...chris tiegreen says in walk with God that "we cannot be captivated by another" and remain faithful to Him. and he's right.

i am so easily captivated by other things. even things that are blessings in my life, if i let them take the place of my time with God, i am wrong. i want to be captivated by the word of God. to do that, i have to read it. i have to be still. quiet. i have to listen. that may mean less laundry gets done, or i may miss a favorite tv show...i think i will survive. but i won't make it in this life without His guidance, His hand. my life thus far is living proof of that.

captivate me, Lord. turn my eyes to You in the morning, so that i am focused on You all day.

no one told me

i have mentioned before that there are lots of things about having a baby that no one told me. perhaps the greatest of these is love.

no one told me that i would forego naps, chores, and even meals just to prolong the joy of rocking my sleeping baby. that my husband and i would argue each morning over who gets to see the first smile.  that i would never get tired of hearing people say "he looks just like his mama!"

no one told me that when i go to put him to bed each night, i would spend many minutes smelling his hair, his breath, and his skin. that i would sit and stare in wonder and amazement at the precious gift in my arms. that i would have a difficult time leaving him in his bed each night, always telling him "mama loves you, brooks. holler if you need me." that i would pray each night for one more day with him... for many, many more days with him. that i would kiss his sweet little nose, his cheeks, his forehead, always wanting "just one more" before putting him in his crib.

no one told me that his giggles would make me laugh uncontrollably. that when he moves his fingers in response to being waved at, it would seem worthy of a "breaking news" interruption in television programming. that watching him splash in his whale bathtub would provide a full thirty minutes of entertainment (or at least until he gets prune-y...). that having a "conversation" would consist of "ooo's" and "ahhh's"...and that i would actually feel loved and heard during that conversation. that folding tiny clothes would bring me joy and laughter.

no one told me that crocodile tears and a protruding bottom lip would break my heart. that his smile would light up my whole day. that watching my husband rush home to see his son would bless me tremendously.

no one told me how much i would love him. how thankful i would be.